Saturday, 25 July 2015
Hola, life's been busy in a good way
Rome <3 (December 2014)
New addicts.
How much of our older selves, is spent on fulfilling the dreams we never saw through in our childhood?
Thursday, 2 July 2015
Right
I'm going to take my power back into my own hands. I'm going to have faith in my ability to handle all these shit. I'm going to have faith in the universe.
Day 1
I'm actually feeling really tired and I wanted to get some early night's rest but I shall write something.
I hate to be tired. Because once the inkling of being tired begins, it's like a blanket of dark cloud will loom over me and my energy and peace are being sapped out. Then it's like a vicious cycle of me being tired -> tired and grumpy and critical -> tired even more -> just feeling like a wreck -> starts thinking about all the problems -> more wreck.
I've been thinking about my life and my destiny sometimes. I'm not always leading the good, stable and happy life people may think I have. So much is going on inside that sometimes when people think that I'm being weak when I reach out for help (which is only those urgent few times), I feel so hurt.
I've been thinking about the problems that happened the past few months. They are really problems, not me making a mountain out of a molehill. And it just makes me really sad. I think I have to get myself together to become a better and stronger person for myself, but it's not so easy. So while I've been steadily building myself up the first half of this year, and at times I really feel so much more at peace... I really do not need the external problems to distract me anymore. I really can't.
F these tears.
//
On a side note, even though halfway through I had a tiny regret that maybe I chose the wrong department, I'm glad at the end of the day I found enough reasons for myself to believe it's the right one. It's still back to the same old.
//
People are scary. They can be ridiculously inconsiderate, self-centered, shameless, and uncompassionate.
Being judgmental is undeniably human nature but I wish that people around in this country, judge with more compassion? I die a little on the inside every single time I come across people judging blindly in such ridiculous arrogance. I'm not stereotyping any particular group of people, but a thought came up to me sometime this week: shouldn't higher education make you wiser and therefore more appreciative and compassionate about the opportunities you have that others don't? shouldn't higher education equip you with the skills and motivation to do greater good to the people around you? shouldn't higher education, really make you a better person as a whole? I don't disregard the many initiatives around by people our age, that I'm impressed with and will probably never be able to accomplish with my own hands. I do not forget the passionate spirits of youths that drive so many incredible things. But I'm starting to doubt the true quality of our education.
With all that being said, maybe it's because of the greater contrast i've experienced after my exchange.
//
Our story was my greatest pillar to restore my faith in life and love all these while, but at times like this, I just see the retreat of the shore and the debris and remnants left behind. I thought that choosing to take the path less travelled was a courageous, viable and much better path for myself, and for both of us. But I'm really afraid that maybe that is all there ever is. That there is only that one path, that's why everyone's going that path. But I still have no regrets for taking the other path, even if it means it's prolonging my journey.
//
And one last thing. "I was angry" should never ever be a valid excuse to make what you did right or reasonable. It's still wrong, especially when you evoked irreversible damage.
I hate to be tired. Because once the inkling of being tired begins, it's like a blanket of dark cloud will loom over me and my energy and peace are being sapped out. Then it's like a vicious cycle of me being tired -> tired and grumpy and critical -> tired even more -> just feeling like a wreck -> starts thinking about all the problems -> more wreck.
I've been thinking about my life and my destiny sometimes. I'm not always leading the good, stable and happy life people may think I have. So much is going on inside that sometimes when people think that I'm being weak when I reach out for help (which is only those urgent few times), I feel so hurt.
I've been thinking about the problems that happened the past few months. They are really problems, not me making a mountain out of a molehill. And it just makes me really sad. I think I have to get myself together to become a better and stronger person for myself, but it's not so easy. So while I've been steadily building myself up the first half of this year, and at times I really feel so much more at peace... I really do not need the external problems to distract me anymore. I really can't.
F these tears.
//
On a side note, even though halfway through I had a tiny regret that maybe I chose the wrong department, I'm glad at the end of the day I found enough reasons for myself to believe it's the right one. It's still back to the same old.
//
People are scary. They can be ridiculously inconsiderate, self-centered, shameless, and uncompassionate.
Being judgmental is undeniably human nature but I wish that people around in this country, judge with more compassion? I die a little on the inside every single time I come across people judging blindly in such ridiculous arrogance. I'm not stereotyping any particular group of people, but a thought came up to me sometime this week: shouldn't higher education make you wiser and therefore more appreciative and compassionate about the opportunities you have that others don't? shouldn't higher education equip you with the skills and motivation to do greater good to the people around you? shouldn't higher education, really make you a better person as a whole? I don't disregard the many initiatives around by people our age, that I'm impressed with and will probably never be able to accomplish with my own hands. I do not forget the passionate spirits of youths that drive so many incredible things. But I'm starting to doubt the true quality of our education.
With all that being said, maybe it's because of the greater contrast i've experienced after my exchange.
//
Our story was my greatest pillar to restore my faith in life and love all these while, but at times like this, I just see the retreat of the shore and the debris and remnants left behind. I thought that choosing to take the path less travelled was a courageous, viable and much better path for myself, and for both of us. But I'm really afraid that maybe that is all there ever is. That there is only that one path, that's why everyone's going that path. But I still have no regrets for taking the other path, even if it means it's prolonging my journey.
//
And one last thing. "I was angry" should never ever be a valid excuse to make what you did right or reasonable. It's still wrong, especially when you evoked irreversible damage.
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