Hacksaw Ridge

Seeing Andrew Garfield beyond Spiderman, this is beautifully made // Even though I got seriously scared/grossed out at some moments, I really appreciate this movie.

"With the world so set on tearing itself apart, it don’t seem like such a bad thing to me to want to put a little bit of it back together."

just like a star across the sky

15 January 2017
Because in that very moment, I had the feeling that the stars aligned for me. And that maybe things are slowly falling into place. 

Lalaland

I really love movies.
I love how they give me deep thoughts after.
And then how those deep thoughts make me love life even more.

Last night got me thinking about the times in secondary school when I have so much time to blog almost every single day. I remember then, that I knew I wanted to do it so that when I am older and retired, I can read all of my posts once more to recount my growth along the decades. To remember who I was and how I changed.

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It's Valentine's Day today. Just realised that it's been quite a few years.
But you know, I feel very very blessed that despite not being with somebody, I still somehow receive flowers from the people around me. Last year and this year in particular, I received flowers from people that I've only known for less than a year (or even less than 6 months?). I feel really thankful to be a recipient of all these love especially since they really don't have to. It is also a very happy feeling to be the one who gives without expecting anything in return.

I think that's one of my most cherished lessons I've learnt over the years: that if you genuinely love, you give your love to people without needing it back. 

Aw feeling really sad and sentimental right now because my heart is feeling so many intense emotions since the last month but this month, things changed and it's not how I hope it would turn out and I have to tell myself again to maybe let this pass and move on again.

Is it just this generation or this society or this culture or just this place that's making it harder than it should...

And then The Intern was showing on HBO and it is a great movie and I love Ben in the movie. I wish in my life I will have the opportunity to meet someone senior like him too to be my best friend and be able to say "this is the time when I really need someone I can count on" to him/her, and then his wise advice and light humour can help me take it easier on life.

I know it's important to be strong and happy with being just by yourself. I can and I do. But some days I just wish I have someone I can really count on and help me get through life together. Because just having one more person to exchange thoughts with, can make me so much happier in life exponentially.

january / lunar new year

Bai Nian @ Uncle's house for the second year consecutively :) I appreciate that we get to enjoy lion dances and the company of the two mascots (Cai Shen Ye & The Zodiac sign of the respective year). Part of me wish that my ah ma is still around to enjoy these. It's been close to 2 years, and this chinese new year in particular, I really missed her presence. <3 I hope she would be happy to see how big our family has grown, and how many more great-grandchildren she has now.

Maybe because it's my year (Year of the Rooster!) but I have more feels to dress up for CNY. They said yellow is my lucky colour (does going back to Eusoff lately help bring me more luck :-)) so even though it's not obvious, this is the first time I have a dress with quite a bit of yellow in it.

Spending our last day of the long weekend out in the woods! Really quite happy we did that as I badly need to keep in touch with nature again. It was refreshing as always. And the air was so so so fresh even in the late afternoon. It was drizzling a little but the cool air made everything sweeter and more enjoyable. I felt like I was in Norway for a while.

It's funny how the start of the journey was super steep compared to the rest of the route. And my parents were struggling and thought that it's gonna be a hard one. But when we reached the summit (which was much faster and shorter than I expected) we all just laughed out loud at how it's only 163m. That's our highest hill in Singapore right there guys. 

Anyway, Grouse Mountain in Vancouver, or Mount Stolzen in Bergen trained me well so Bukit Timah Hill really is nothing hehe. 

<3 Cherishing all the time with my family whenever I can because before I know it, time will fly and my brothers and I will grow up, and if we do not treasure these times now, the times we take-for-granted will just pass us by.

Was looking through my facebook photos from many years ago.
Suddenly missing this friend that I used to be really close to but i guess along the years we grew in our own ways, where our paths may not be aligned as we figure things out.

I know now may be a down time but I have faith that things will work out in the end and we'll be by each other's side some day. And like old friends do, it will be like everything's still the same.

bullet journals

Lately I've been addicted to this trend called Bullet Journaling.

Ok it started from a random instagram explore feed post and when I casually googled it and found out what it is and why it is getting more popular... I find myself unexpectedly getting hooked on it. Initially I was "oh this is another one of those trends but I don't think I'll start anytime soon." It was one of those, good to know things... Haha but now I am already penning down ideas for it.

I really think this will come in super handy in organising my life. I realised I've always needed something like this but nothing like that was invented. I don't know how to describe it but it's just a type of journaling system that serves more uses than just your typically planner.

I'm quite excited to start mine especially since the year just started (what good timing to start new things!) so please... can my online orders reach me soon! hehe

On a side note, you know peak has officially started when you have to work even during the weekends. I had thoughts that swing from one end to the other regarding this but I'm amazed how positive thinking and being mindful helped me to take a step back and make the best out of my situation.

I hope for the strength, endurance and grit to get through my very first peak, which I can fairly say is tougher than typical ones.

goodbye 2K16

2016:

- a year of abundant travels, holidays and discovery
- a year of taking action before things turn to regrets (my last minute decision to join Eusoff among one of them <3 one of the best things that happened to me this year)
- a year of achievements: last sem best sem; graduation; first job;
- a year of good closures
- a year of carving the path for dreams to turn into reality
- a year of (being the last in) letting go
- a year of quiet solitude which = lots of (fairly well spent) me-time
- a year of finding peace
- Olympics
- US Elections

The Christmas-New Year vibe this year is going really strong for me. It is making me so jolly and thankful and basically I'm immersed in happy celebratory mood. (What's missing is a big fat countdown with friends/special someone overseas, which I've just added to one of my resolutions/bucket list) I'm ready to send a big farewell to 2016 because it has given me what I need it to give me and it has been such an eventful year. I'm also thankful for the later half of 2016 that allows me to begin tying up the loose ends in my life. I'm excited for 2017 because of new beginnings. Maybe it's because 2016 has been a productive year for me personally in terms of growth and finding peace. There are still quite a handful of down times here and then but I remember the good ones, always. I love fresh starts. I love new years because it is comforting to know that there is always a chance for you to start things on a clean page again.

I think I have changed throughout 2016. I still don't know if it is for the better or for worse because everything is work-in-progress. I still don't know if it is an after-effect of external factors like work and growing up. And I'm scared if my change has caused people around me to feel uncomfortable because maybe they're not used to it? My love for people whom I love and who loves me will still be the same. Change is foreign but not every foreign change is bad. Anyway I'm saying all these as I'm going through a major change haha but no, i think it's just a subtle shift in perspective for me which may be different from who I used to be. Nonetheless, I pray that the people that I love and who loves me can give me my space to grow, experiment and heal; forgive me for my lack thereof; and ultimately accept me fully when I'm ready and whenever they are ready.

2017 might be a year with increased uncertainties and risks but... I'm mostly not afraid. Maybe it's because it contains my favourite number, but I do look forward to 2K17 very much. I feel like it will be a year when I can just be. And be loved for it hopefully.

Wishing everyone a wonderful 2017 ahead and stay healthy and happy always!

With lots of love,
Peijun