For the rest of my life, say yes say yes, 'cause I need to know.

I was watching a Korean period drama and a thought crept up to me. The concept of moving on from your lover doesn't seem to be the natural course of life in the olden days. Whether your lover passed away, or got separated, I feel that they were never told to move on/ find someone else as a next step. There is always a period of time of grieving, and remembering of that person. Even in the next life. Of course if someone who is able to open your heart again comes along, it is then natural to perhaps fall in love one more time. But it should never be an active action, to find someone else. Moving on should never be an active action.

I think indirectly, and unknowingly, I feel that that's the way I am. I just never really understand why some people tell others to move on as if it's the most natural thing to do, when I myself feel to move on, is to force myself to do something I would not naturally do. That's why I will never tell someone else to move on just like that. There's so much behind each love story that telling someone to move on is so belittling of what happened between two people. Unless the love was not genuine.

Maybe it's this generation that is changing so much so quickly. If I become like the newer and more recent generation, I think I'll definitely embrace the "there are so many other fishes in the ocean" much more. But I think I'm old-fashioned this way, I'm different. Or rather, it's different for me.

And while this old flame lingers around your head in your most vulnerable times – that is all they are. They are just lingering in space and time until someone who is worth your space and your time will change your life far beyond what you could imagine. 

Really?

Then I wonder and am curious as to the kind of person who will impact me more than this.  

#Exordia2015

 Snippets of my past 3D2N:

An adorable pair of siblings during our Adventure Race 

 Secret pals in progress ;-)

Beach day 

The past few days have been really meaningful for me. I think I've never laughed so much in a day before (until I feel literally drained of energy by night). Important events in my life that I am thankful for, and I am even thankful for the revelations and reflections I've had. It's been pretty productive for me. I guess I'm in the train of reflection. Everything this year revolves around self-reflection and pondering thoughts. I have to say, gradually discovering how exciting life actually is, really makes me happy in a different way. 

I've been trying to find out when do I feel the happiest and most at ease, and after this, I confirm that I feel the happiest after sports. Nothing makes me more free-spirited, lively and happy. Sports will always be a part of my life. During one of the beach games, a thought suddenly came to me and I will never forget that. 

Nothing makes my heart beats this way. I think I'm slowly figuring out what matters to me, what doesn't, and what always will. And I like myself this way. 

Other moments: Virgo-Libra talk during break times, Private reasons, Yuhua Cup 

I think for the first half of 2015, I have regularly been thinking that I'm in the wrong Business School. I've been unintentionally met with circumstances/events/experiences that always make me feel quite certain that maybe I will do better (in terms of studies) in another university, or have a more fun college life. But I'm really happy now that I no longer feel that strongly about that thought anymore. I am happy to be in NUS. I just can't wait and I look forward to how I can spend the remaining semester I have left, doing so much more than studies. 

There is a time for everything, and now is the time for me. 

Best to stay as you are

Today's been a pretty long day. Went to a temple. I'm feeling a little weird with this headache going on. Feelin' so lethargic the whole afternoon outside and I went to swim (it was so damn cold) to freshen up.

I really enjoy watching "Roommate"! It's such a nice show and it got me laughing so so so many times. Those uncontrollable repetitive laughter till I can drop out of my seat kind. Just finished another episode and I'm contemplating if I should watch one more, or do something else.

Maybe I'll finally take a look at all the things I bought the other day for letters writing :) I bought really nice parchment papers, and some classic envelopes. Because a friend inspired me to write good letters.

I don't know if any of my friends still read my blog(s). Haha I know I changed my url many times (I have my reasons I hope you understand). And if you made it here, wow I'm impressed and, thank you for finding me. But anyway I do miss the old school days when blogs are the way we communicate with one another, get in touch, and give random motivational messages in those tagboards haha (in the famous anonymous if you like haha). So my dear friends, if any of you are interested in exchanging letters let me know and I'll be happy to do so :)

Okay I took out my papers and was ready to write but I am too tired to do so. Shall leave it for another day :) 

With love,
Peijun

"You have to go through some tough times on your own, for you to find your own sense of humour."

Same sentiments. Sometimes I wonder why my sense of humour is so different from many people. But as time goes by, I understood deeper. Going through hardships really forces you to find your own sense of humour to keep you going. It's so important and crucial for yourself because you only have yourself to lift yourself up.

Aleph II

"But I am a born pilgrim. Even when I'm feeling really lazy or I'm missing home, I need take only one step to be carried away by the excitement of the journey. ... I realise that I will never reach my goal by staying in the same place all the time. I can speak to my soul only when the two of us are off exploring deserts or cities or mountains or roads."

"There's no point explaining that all we achieve by exacting revenge is to make ourselves the equals of our enemies, whereas by forgiving we show wisdom and intelligence."

Once again, reaffirming my decisions and beliefs. 

"All those moments will be lost in time, like 'tears in the rain'.

"We are all souls wandering the Cosmos and, at the same time, living our lives, but with a sense that we are passing from one incarnation to another. If something touches the code of our soul, it is remembered forever and affects whatever comes afterward."

"I feel grateful to life, first, because it has allowed me to find her again when I needed to. I am finally beginning to accept the idea that I will have to go through that door for a fifth time, even if I still won't find the answer. I am grateful to life, too, because I was afraid before, but now I am not. And third, I am grateful to life, because I am making this journey." 

"I also forgive myself. May the misfortunes of the past no longer weigh on my heart. Instead of pain and resentment, I choose understanding and compassion. Instead of rebellion, I choose music from my violin. Instead of grief, I choose forgetting. Instead of vengeance, I choose victory.

I will be capable of loving, regardless of whether I am loved in return,

Of giving, even when I have nothing, Of working happily, even in the midst of difficulties, Of holding out my hand, even when utterly alone and abandoned, Of drying my tears, even while I weep, Of believing, even when no one believes in me." 

 "I love you, I tell her. I love you because all the loves in the world are like different rivers flowing into the same lake, where they meet and are transformed into a single love that becomes rain and blesses the earth. // I love you like a river that creates the right conditions for trees and bushes and flowers to flourish along its banks. I love you like a river that gives water to the thirsty and takes people where they want to go. // I love you like a river that understands that it must learn to flow differently over waterfalls and to rest in the shallows. I love you because we are all born in the same place, at the same source, which keeps us provided with a constant supply of water. And so, when we feel weak, all we have to do is wait a little. The spring returns, and the winter snow melt and fill us with new energy. // I love you like a river that begins as a solitary trickle in the mountains and gradually grows and joins other rivers until, after a certain point, it can flow around any obstacle in order to get where it wants.

I receive your love, and I give you mine. Not the love of a man for a woman, not the love of a father for a child, not the love of God for his creatures, but a love with no name and no explanation, like a river that cannot explain why it follows a particular course but simply flows onward. A love that asks for nothing and gives nothing in return; it is simply there. I will never be yours, and you will never be mine; nevertheless, I can honestly say: I love you, I love you, I love you."

"Whenever you play, tell yourself that the thing that hurt you so much has become a gift. You're wrong when you say that other people have recovered from the trauma; they've simply hidden it away in a place they never go to."

"Is it possible to deviate from the path God has made? Yes, but it's always a mistake. Is it possible to avoid pain? Yes, but you'll never learn anything. Is it possible to know something without ever having experienced it? Yes, but it will never truly be part of you."

"No one who truly loves someone would destroy them or themselves, and she would never let me spend another incarnation suffering and blaming myself for what had happened - once was enough." 

 Paulo Coelho

How liberating it is, that the best thing to do is to do nothing.

? Really ?

I don't know why my whole body was trembling last night. 

But I figured it's a good thing, that at least I still feel something.

Not completely cold. 

Aleph

"If we have spoken before, you would not have been ripe. If we were to talk later, you would have rotted." There is always a right moment to act.

"In magic - and in life - there is only the present moment, the now. You can't measure time the way you measure the distance between two points. "Time" doesn't pass. We human beings have enormous difficulty in focusing on the present; we're always thinking about what we did, about how we could have done it better, about the consequences of our actions, and about why we didn't act as we should have. Or else we think about our the future, about what we're going to do tomorrow, what precautions we should take, what dangers await us around the next corner, how to avoid what we don't want and how to get what we have always dreamed of. 

Right here and now, you are beginning to wonder: is there really something wrong? Yes, there is. But at this precise moment, you also realise that you can change your future by bringing the past into the present. Past and future exist only in our memory. The present moment, though, is outside of time, it's Eternity. In India, they use the word 'karma' for lack of any better term. But it's a concept that's rarely given a proper explanation. It isn't what you did in the past that will affect the present. It's what you do in the present that will redeem the past and thereby change the future." 

 Paulo Coelho

I know how this feels.

Roommate // Lee Deok Hwa

"You have to grab the opportunity when it comes to you. You have to sharpen the sword before you sheathe it. That's how you deliver the blow when the chance comes. If it's rusted over, you can't even unsheathe it, it doesn't work."

"I'm telling you now. Life is worth it. Because you're a person, it's worth it. Live passionately, with all your heart, humanely. Living that way is happiness.

Because when things go wrong at home and it makes me so sad, the first person I want to talk to is you.

Because when I secured that internship that I wanted so badly, and I was over the moon, the first person I want to meet straight away to share the good news with is you. 

I stillll love the old Jesse McCartney songs. But this song makes me so groovy. Reminds me a little of uptown funk.

Aloha!

It's beeeeen some time. I've been busy for the past few days and was focusing on settling what feels like a million things. It got a little tense for some parts but I am proud of myself for pulling through and for doing what's necessary and right. I'm here today because it's all done and I can finally have some peace :-) Turns out I do still have a few more weeks of summer holidays to enjoy. 

June has been AMAZING so far. I'm just really grateful for all the opportunities that came to me. This Chinese phrase just kept re-appearing in my mind in the quietest times: 船到桥头自然直

I think it's yet another few months of intense growth and change. Growing to be more aware, to be more light-hearted and composed. 

When many opportunities come to you all at one go, it's inevitable that you have to forgo some... I am sad that I had to forgo my original internship position with a really lovely and great company (some of the nicest people I've ever met in the working world. Who I know will bring out the best in me, so that I can do beyond what I thought I couldn't in return). But her words today which go briefly like this: "Pursue what's right for you at this time, and don't worry about it! You're doing what's right for yourself and don't feel bad about it. That's... life, and you never know. Maybe I'll see you again next year. ... Stay in touch okay?" Just left me so touched and thankful. I'll forever remember her and I will never forget what she taught me even though we only met twice. 

Oh. I went to the library on Sunday with my bro before we went home and I'm so happy... I borrowed 7 books straight. These are just 5 of it :3

SEE THAT BOOK ON ITALY??? It just excites me so much and I am just so so happy. A good Kinsella book for laughs, and some intellectual stories from Paulo Coelho - an author I came to know while researching what to read. I borrowed 3 of his books straight. I hope they are good hehehe.

You know, maybe life is too short to be wasted on doing/working hard for things you don't enjoy.

GIVE YOURSELF A PAT ON THE BACK PJ

I can't believe this.

For the first time ever a BANK (one i've visited before) called me for interviews and for the first time ever, I am offered MORE THAN ONE position at the same company!!! I never thought I would be this lucky. I am so so happy and this really motivated me so so much. It came twice during work and wow I'm just truly thankful :')

Today is probably one of the best days ever. Work was super fun too because:
1) No more heels so standing THE WHOLE DAY isn't as agonising as much as yesterday.
2) Many booths today catered buffets, served beer/sake/wine/champagne/you-name-it to everyone and it was like a major party. Booze and business is the way of the corporate life, yes? HAHAHA

ITS SO MUCH FUN TODAY. OMG. But i'm scared too. I can't wait to settle certain things.

But yes writing this for nowz. I AM THANKFUL AND THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for all the opportunities :')

You can only have faith when there is something you're hoping for.
You must first have something you're hoping so fervently for, for you to have the faith to keep you going when the hope seems bleak.

These were my biggest takeaways from my Vesak Day, which really hit home. Everything made more sense, such as why I came across a particular quote during exchange, which became my mantra for one of the longest time. And I discovered a deeper reason now to better explain why I held on to it for so long. These were parts of my takeaways from attending a talk that Glenda invited me to. It was really insightful as I hear how people from different professions (lawyers, musicians, media people, teachers) share their work and dedication.

It really is a crucial period now.

And you know what? I decided that it was goodbye. I think I will never ever let go of anything completely, as long as it'd touched my heart before. It's just in me to forever hold on to these memories I cherish so so dearly, because letting go (which to me, is forcing myself to forget something that obviously did happen, and it only happened for me) is just letting go a part of me, that made me who I am today. It wouldn't make sense. It just doesn't sync with my life. So from today hopefully, I hope that I will not blame myself for something I can't control. This is better for me. It keeps me positive, and it makes me look forward to what other interesting things life has to offer. And it's exactly these experiences that made MY life so much more interesting.

Painful and difficult as it is. But this is goodbye. Not letting go. 

Everything about this, spot on.