When emotions run like wild horses

I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I miss my best friend so so so much it's killin' me on the inside. Okay fine that's an exaggeration. We were like best friends who were apart for a long long time.

And I feel helpless at times like these because I know if anybody knows that I still harbour such longing for someone they will definitely ...... If I'm alone and by myself, this is really who I am, I can't deny and hide all the time. I'm afraid to tell anyone anything now, because part of me feels that some of my friends will slowly drift away if they see me this way. They may or may not understand me fully, and when they can't understand me, it's easy to misunderstand me. It's sad to even think of it, because I can't just bring myself to say "Well, if they see my true self and still decide to leave, then they're not your true friends afterall." I just can't. 'Cause I trust and love my friends so so much.

But i'm perfectly fine. Except the random mood swings this week for the first time ever since I started my internship - highly suspect it's hormonal. So I feel that I'm not in that can't-get-over-someone deep hole. I'm able to lead my own life quite happily for a while now, and once in a while, these breezes of nostalgia visit me and I can't help but smile at some of the memories still. After all there were great memories and my ultimate hope is that one day we can continue to create new memories as friends. And when friendship is concerned, there are never enough memories to make.

A part of me is learning what it takes to be a friend in this whole journey.

Alright. Thank you my blog. You've been my other best friend ever since my teenage years, listening to me rant and being my space for me to share about my thoughts and for me to sort out my thoughts.
Especially times like this when my family aren't around, you make me feel that I still have myself and I will be fine on my own. Haha didn't think I would miss them but I do! They've just reached Shanghai and it looks beautifullll.

Good night.