Read my 22's birthday post last year and decided to replicate what I did last year. I remember it was quite a sad birthday and hence I did not write much about it, instead I write positive thoughts and used a happy photo. I was all in the hopes that time will help me forget the unhappiness and that my words will leave me remembering good thoughts. I guess it worked!
As a little girl I LOVE birthdays and I always look forward to mine, so much so that I feel it's my lucky day every single day of September. But lately I have no idea why I don't. I am scared of birthdays. I am scared of feeling alone and that that even my special birthday luck won't work anymore. But still, I'm thankful to say my 23rd is better than my 22nd.
It's ironic because the past 365 days of my life (specifically June 2015 - June 2016) is one of the best periods of my life. It's the period when I truly regain confidence in myself, see myself hitting milestones after milestones, see myself grow steadily and gaining strength in each step taken. I was really proud of myself. So being 22nd is quite special to me even though the beginning of it was a sad one. I feel I grow up a lot more than I already have in this particular year.
It's ironic because the past 365 days of my life (specifically June 2015 - June 2016) is one of the best periods of my life. It's the period when I truly regain confidence in myself, see myself hitting milestones after milestones, see myself grow steadily and gaining strength in each step taken. I was really proud of myself. So being 22nd is quite special to me even though the beginning of it was a sad one. I feel I grow up a lot more than I already have in this particular year.
I remember a few days ago before my 23rd birthday, I knew in my heart that I really look forward to being 23. I wanted to blog about it but never got the right time and mood to. If I tell you the reason why I look forward to being 23, you'd laugh. But funny as it is, it gives me a lot of hope. I don't know why but I'm never the person to dread birthdays just because you are another year older. I'm never the person who will say I am old when I truly still believe I am young. Maybe people say they are old in comparison to the lost time and freedom that youth provides. But being old in my opinion is about having experienced life in depth and in length. And I don't think I have yet. Being old in my opinion is also about you losing that enthusiasm for life, that appetite to try new things and experiences. But I am not. I still thirst for new experiences, I still have many things I want to learn and see myself excelling in. The road ahead is long and I still have a healthy body and mind. Most importantly, 10/20 years down the road, you will see that being 22 or 23 is really still being young. Therefore I will not not do "young" things just because I think I am old. It'd be such a pity to let your mind limit you.
This year's birthday left me feeling really warm hearted. I think it's about expectations always. After my 22nd I think my expectations dropped to an all time low hence maybe that's why I try not to look forward to it or expect much. I think this year, some people surprised me spiritually. Maybe that's why.
To be honest I really feel more down lately in September. I really am trying to figure out why.
Maybe because 2016 is a test of friendship. And I truly am affected.
I am a sensitive person, either by nature or by what I've gone through in life. It's a double edged sword really.
I think what I've learnt over this year is that until someone experienced something similar to you, they will never ever understand no matter how much they want to (that's if they even try).
And without understanding, they will never be able to put themselves in your shoes, and accept you.
Some people are fortunate and blessed enough to not have to go through what I had.
Some people are more privileged than I am.
But I also keep in mind that all of us experience the same hell on some days, maybe different devils.
And because of this I will not blame anyone for the things life like to challenge me with. I also count my blessings and give thanks and love whenever I can.
I am taught not to compare.
But there are days when I really feel so defeated and hurt at how life can be so terribly unfair that my only wish is for people to be less selfish. I wish people can have bigger hearts and see that not everything revolves around them all the time. I wish people do not take people for granted. I wish people realise that they have a part in this world, to help make it a better (not worse) place for living for others.
To be honest I really feel more down lately in September. I really am trying to figure out why.
Maybe because 2016 is a test of friendship. And I truly am affected.
I am a sensitive person, either by nature or by what I've gone through in life. It's a double edged sword really.
I think what I've learnt over this year is that until someone experienced something similar to you, they will never ever understand no matter how much they want to (that's if they even try).
And without understanding, they will never be able to put themselves in your shoes, and accept you.
Some people are fortunate and blessed enough to not have to go through what I had.
Some people are more privileged than I am.
But I also keep in mind that all of us experience the same hell on some days, maybe different devils.
And because of this I will not blame anyone for the things life like to challenge me with. I also count my blessings and give thanks and love whenever I can.
I am taught not to compare.
But there are days when I really feel so defeated and hurt at how life can be so terribly unfair that my only wish is for people to be less selfish. I wish people can have bigger hearts and see that not everything revolves around them all the time. I wish people do not take people for granted. I wish people realise that they have a part in this world, to help make it a better (not worse) place for living for others.
*
23 years of existence
2 years of adulthood
To many years more of living, bravery, and positivity.
You may not be loved in return, you may not be understood in return, but love and understand anyway.
Try, but let go if you must.
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