Hello World.

It feels so good to be able to have some proper rest, to have a break/sleep last longer than 6 hours.

And so last night, which is a Friday, and I managed to reach home earlier than the rest of the week, I had dinner with my family and finally ate home cooked food. Struggling between feeling so exhausted and yet wanting to do things that feed my soul... I have no idea how but I just came across some Princess Hours stuffs and I ended up watching Episode 1 just for fun. 

And boy, all that emotions and nostalgia of my childhood and teenage past came rushing back to me. This came out in 2006 and I remember many people raving about it but that was still before K-Wave hit me. I remember picking it up and getting hooked on it ever since. Even when I watch this again today, this drama reminds me why it has a really special place in my heart because i find myself falling in love with everything about it all over again. Everything that made me appreciate the Korean Drama scene. And it is why it will be my all time favourite Korean Drama. 

It's a drama full of laughter, bittersweet and poignant moments that just gets me. 

It's something I'm very thankful for, and I remember blogging all about it when I was in secondary school (and had all the time in the world to blog and rave about it.)

Everything was brilliant and perfectly put together, from the cinematography and music especially :') Some of your favourite songs will grow out of you somehow, but this drama's OST never will. It grows on me with the years.

OH. I remember why I started watching this again. 

Because during some of the darkest and toughest moments this peak, chancing upon a re-make of the hit song "Perhaps Love" on Spotify gave me so much happiness. 

I guess, it never hurts to return back to something that once gave you so many good memories and hopeful vibes <3

Can't thank this production or what i call, a wonderfully made piece of art, enough. 

to the point I want to save the piano scores of the OST and learn to play it myself soon.

to the point I want to save the manga pages and do some colouring on my own. 

to the point I want to make covers of some of my favourite songs in the world.

lol bless my deprived creative side.

What job allows me to do all that I love?

S1E7

RACHEL: I mean, do you think there are people who go through life never having that kind of... 

ROSS: Probably. But you know, I'll tell you something. Passion is way overrated.  

RACHEL: Yeah right. ROSS: It is. Eventually, it kind of... burns out. But hopefully, what you're left with is trust, and security, and... well, in the case of my ex-wife, lesbianism. So, you know, for all of those people who miss out on that passion... thing, there's all that other good stuff.  

RACHEL: [sigh] OK.  

ROSS: But, um... I don't think that's going to be you.  

RACHEL: You don't.  

ROSS: Uh-uh. See, I see.... big passion in your future.  

RACHEL: Really?  

ROSS: Mmmm.  

RACHEL: You do?

Yeah, can't believe i'm going through my second peak again.

Times like this... I really hate work for robbing away so much from me.
You may say I can choose not to let this happen. I can choose to still prioritise and do what I want.

But I really don't know how to change the hardworking part of me at work that is driven by my desire to do as much within the shortest time possible, so that I can increase the amount of after-work free time I have in my life, to do more of the things that truly matter.

I am still trying to challenge the stereotype that we can't have a life in this industry lol.

Naive or what but it's true I don't have much of a life now again.

And to see my parents age more and more over the years...... while i reach home and become too tired to even say more than 3 sentences to them, or by the time i reach home they're already asleep... just breaks my heart.

There's just too much going on on my plate... and when I'm tired all I want to do is escape...

Need. To. Stop. Putting. My. Wants. Before. Others?

Thank you 2K17! Let me love you, 2018.

2017 - one of the most exhausting but also very beautiful years so far

This is going to be a special year in my memory, because it is the year I am 100% better now (!!!) and I actually start to grow dreams and hopes for the future again.
It's really one of the happiest years to date despite the extreme downs. I'm so glad the positives outweighed the bad by a bit!

*

As I read everyone's reflections about their 2017, I don't know if it's just me, but in general, I felt that 2017 was a positive year for many! Many good things happened for people (friends getting engaged, many more people tying the knot especially in the second half of the year, graduation, people being able to find closures, strength and positivity from tough times). While some have also experienced losses and heartbreaks, somehow people are able to stand strong and find contentment still with their 2K17.  That adds to my happiness for 2017 too!

*

My 2K17 in a nutshell:

• More than expected travelling opportunities- Bangkok - post-peak trip with my parents to in March. I was lucky to be able to get my leave approved in 2016 even though typically we are not allowed to take leaves from Jan - Mar. It was a first trip to treat my parents ever since I became a working adult.
  - UK & Scotland - family holiday to visit my England relatives. One of my highlights in 2017 and longest holiday I've gotten for the year.
  - TASSIE - aussietors trip! The nature and adventures just blew me away, not forgetting the peaceful moments of quiet reflection and learning to live in the moment
  - Phuket x2 - This one's for my work buddies who really made work a hella lot more bearable
• Settling better into work life 
• Learnt to laugh a lot more. Getting better at letting go in general.
• Made conscious effort to care and be with my family more. 
• Lucky enough to experience moments that can made my heart skip a beat again
• Had a lot of honest, good and mind blowing conversations with people who matter
• Met a special human being whom i know changed my life in one way or another
• Laughed a lot more and felt happiness on a level never before because of this special human being
• Felt sadness in the gut and accepted that good things may not always be here to stay for long too because of the same special human being
• Learnt to be strong nonetheless through a different person this time
• Noticed people getting more real with themselves, more real with life, being more authentic and that's beautiful
• Learnt to be courageous to pursue what I want. I had a case of 20 seconds of insane embarrassing courage - one of the proudest moments of myself this year
• Began my spiritual journey to wellness and fitness (from yoga with beryl to gym trials to eventually signing up for my first ever gym membership!!!) - one of the best decisions I've made this year

2018 - ______________________

Here's to...

1. Being more present in 2018
2. To having a healthier and stronger mind, bodaye & soul :-) 
3. Nurturing and taking of relationships with friends and loved ones
4. Continuing to be open minded and having a big big heart
5. Find out what is my gift in this world, in this universe
6. Don't be jaded.
7. Stay positive 

"I died inside"

It was during a warm and cozy lunch with my colleagues one day that this phrase came up and for some reasons it has stuck with me ever since.

Because I can relate to the context of how it was used so very well.
Because it was the most accurate phrase to describe my state of thoughts and mood for the past couple of months or so.

But because seeing how feeling this way and still choosing to be strong and not give in to weakness works for someone... this originally negative phrase strangely became a huge source of strength for me.

It was a timely reminder for me to keep going.
That for all the times I wasn't strong enough and gave in to weakness in the past, this is the time to be strong now.

"I died inside, I really am still dying inside."
"But this time I will stand strong."

wow. haven't checked back here since my previous post.

*

today, i finally see the full circle:
why some relationships (in general) when we were younger end prematurely. because both parties were not mature enough at the same level.

so there are good things in growing up :')
you learn to get better at saving great relationships instead of having to lose it unnecessarily.

and we're wrapped in light, in life, in love

Missed out this important one from Into The Wild in my previous post.

*

I miss you.

Lately, it felt like you've disappeared from the face of this earth.

sometimes you will really feel so alone in all these.
you will feel really sad that you're feeling the things you wish you didn't have to feel.
but that's okay.
being able to feel something at least, is a good thing i guess.

that i'm still alive and kicking.

i feel like kicking my legs defiantly against life the way a little kid throws a tantrum.
maybe i should sign up for muay thai classes.

into the wild // my friday movie night

"And I also know how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong but to feel strong. To measure yourself at least once. To find yourself at least once in the most ancient of human conditions. Facing the blind death stone alone, with nothing to help you but your hands and your own head.”

The scene when McCandless read out a passage from Tolstoy's "Family Happiness":

"I have lived through much, and now I think I have found what is needed for happiness. A quiet secluded life in the country, with the possibility of being useful to people to whom it is easy to do good, and who are not accustomed to have it done to them; then work which one hopes may be of some use; then rest, nature, books , music, love for one's neighbor - such is my idea of happiness. And then, on top of all that, you for a mate, and children, perhaps - what more can the heart of a man desire?" ...”

Some of my personal favourites:

Ron Franz: I'm going to miss you when you go. 
Christopher McCandless: I will miss you too, but you are wrong if you think that the joy of life comes principally from the joy of human relationships. God's place is all around us, it is in everything and in anything we can experience. People just need to change the way they look at things.

*

"Rather than love, than money, than faith, than fame, than fairness, give me truth.”

Sources: 1 2 3 4

"you don't know exactly when they are going to come... but you just know that there is going to be moments when something means something to you and it connects with you."